Helping a Friend

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Signs of a Friend in Need of Help

  • Mentions suicidal thoughts
  • Seems down or depressed frequently
  • Changes in eating or sleeping habits
  • Has become socially isolated
  • Frequently misses class or other obligations
  • Substance Abuse 
  • Has experienced a traumatic event
  • Expresses hopelessness
  • Sudden mood changes
  • Loses interest in hobbies or activities

Tips for Talking with a Friend About Your Concerns

  • Find a time to talk when neither of you is upset or tired.
  • Talk one-on-one with your friend, and speak only about your own concerns.  If other students express their concerns to you, encourage them to speak directly with the student.
    • “I’m worried about you.  You haven’t been to class this week.  Is anything going on?”
    • ‘The text message you sent me about not being able to take it anymore really worried me.  Can you tell me what’s the matter?  I really want to understand.”
    • “I’ve noticed you haven’t been eating much lately.  I’m concerned about you.  How are you doing?”
  • Express concern and support.  Avoid judgments and critical statements.

 Support

Judgement    

Is anything going on?
It sounds like that really bothers you.
I miss going out with you.

What′s wrong with you?
You shouldn′t worry about that.
You′re no fun anymore.

  • Listen carefully to what the student says.  Focus your attention on what they are saying, rather than on what you’re going to say in response.  Check in with them to make sure that you understand what they’re saying. 
    • “You’ve been through a lot lately.  No wonder you’re having trouble focusing.  You have a lot on your mind.” 
    • “It sounds like you’re really angry/pissed off/hurt.”
  • Explore options.  Help your friend identify friends, family, teachers, coaches, staff, counselors or clergy that they trust and who can provide short and long-term support.
  • Remember that you are their friend, not their therapist.  Sometimes a person needs more help than their friends can provide.  Some ways to introduce the subject of counseling to your friend:
    • “Have you ever talked to a counselor about this?”
      • If your friend has had a positive experience with counseling in the past, suggest that they speak with a counselor here at Rhodes. 
      • If they have had a negative experience with counseling in the past, whether it was at home or here at Rhodes, validate their feelings.  Let them know that there a number of different counselors at the Counseling Center, and they can meet with a different counselor if they would like.
    • “The Counseling Center is open right now—I could walk over with you if you’d like.”
    • “We can email/call the Counseling Center right now and set up an appointment.”
    • I really appreciate you telling me about this.  I’ll be here for you as your friend.  I also want to make sure you get all the support you need.  How about we call the Counseling Center and set up a time to talk with someone?”
  • Follow up.  Check in with your friend a few days or a week after you’ve talked with them.